How do you pretend that a lifetime spent with someone has vanished? That it never existed? 
With my children’s father this option doesn’t exist, so there is little conversation.

With my partner of nearly 20 years, this would seem to be an option. But is it? There are those that love me that would rather I dont speak of him or perhaps I should say they don’t want me to speak of him at all.

Twenty years of my life — I’m to forget, lock away and never speak of? 

It wasn’t perfect, and I need to preface with the fact that I don’t miss him or miss having him in my life. That is not to say that there aren’t moments that I do miss. There was absolutely good in those years, and I do miss those at times.
I mostly miss the moments when I was really vulnerable, and he scooped me up and didn’t ever once make me feel ashamed for it. If I needed help, he knew sometimes before I did and made helping seem easy and natural.

I don’t however miss the moments when he was critical or how I worried about when he would no longer find me attractive – because I knew he would be gone. I never spoke about this, but I always knew deep down the time would come. The good moments felt worth the risk at the time. The ability to love unconditionally seemed to escape him at times, and I’m not sure where that came from as his family is unconditionally loving warm and kind. Perhaps the entertainment industry and its superficiality had an impact.
It wouldn’t be surprising as he’s been an entertainer since he was four years old.
We came from different worlds he and I. I grew up in an abusive, poverty-stricken home. He had a loving family, and though his parents were divorced, both of them loved him dearly.
I never really felt the love of family like he had.

When I speak of his kindnesses, my daughter reminds me that this is just what people do for one another. I then remind her of how kindness was such a rare occurrence in my life prior to that point which I guess is why it meant so very much. When he was no longer kind and even going so far as to become unkind to me, I needed him gone from me and out of my life. All of these events are part of my life – part of my story. I wouldn’t be who I am without them.

All of us are changed by others we share our lives with. For good or bad, our strengths and weaknesses are shaped by those that came before. I learned many things from him, both good and bad, and I wouldn’t be who I am without having had him in my life. The relationship is over; however, the memories remain. I am grateful for the lessons he taught me. I’m grateful that I can now see the relationship in the rear view and not be chained by anger and bitterness. I am grateful that I can remember the good without longing to hold on. This story, our story is just that now. There was no happy ending but are endings ever happy? This chapter of my life is closed. I’m living a new chapter now. Just like all of the stories of my life, they are my stories to tell and I will tell them.